Conflict Resolution

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:18

This verse in Romans 12:18 has always been intriguing to me. However, I feel that it is very appropriate to share today since we are just a week out from having celebrated Thanksgiving in the United States and, just a few weeks away from celebrating Christmas and New Year’s. The reason that I feel that this verse is appropriate, especially for this time of year, is because this is the time of year when we are around people that we may never be around any other time of the year, except for these special occasions that we celebrate together as family and friends. This verse is intriguing to me because if you break it down, it’s obviously about living at peace with everyone! But, it doesn’t start out with that declaration. It starts out by saying, if it is possible. And then it says, as much as it depends on you! So is Paul saying that it may not be possible? And is he also saying, but if it is possible, then do everything that you can that is dependent upon you to live at at peace with everyone and for it to actually happen. Therefore, if you can, do everything that you can, that is dependent upon you to live at peace with everyone!

Also notice that he says, everyone! Not just those people that you like or that you get along with naturally, but everyone. That means even those difficult, antagonizing and challenging people in your life. Anyway, part of the equation of living at peace with everyone will be navigating through being offended, being disappointed, being frustrated, mutual disagreements with one another and dealing with strong opinions and condescending comments. And, another part of making it possible and doing everything that you can to live at peace with everyone will be- engaging in loving, constructive conversations, while learning the art of conflict resolution. Conflict Resolution is defined as: a way for two or more parties to find a peaceful solution to a disagreement among themselves. The disagreement may be personal, financial, political, relational or emotional. When a dispute arises, often the best course of action is negotiation to resolve the disagreement. However, this takes love, courage and wisdom to navigate through the process, while coming to a successful and peaceful resolve for everyone involved. So, if it is possible and as much as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone!

Here Are 10 Ways to Know That You Desire Conflict Resolution:

  1. When you want to resolve the issue of conflict more than you want to prove your point or be right.
  2.  When you want to hear what’s being said- more than you want to be heard.
  3. When you are more concerned with bringing a resolution to the conflict, than you are with being right or winning the argument.
  4. When the other person’s need is greater than your ego.
  5. When you listen, and truly hear what the other person is saying.
  6. When you’re wrong, and you recognize it. 
  7. When you’re in the wrong and you admit it.
  8. When you stop saying the wrong thing, at the wrong time, in the wrong way, for the wrong reason just to prove a point.
  9. When you don’t talk until you have something that is worth hearing.
  10. When you consider how the other person feels,  above how you may be feeling.

Blown Away

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“Blown Away”
Luke 1:5-80

I was sowing grass seed with the wind blowing and the seed was blowing away as I was sowing it. As I was sowing the seed I was hearing in my spirit these words: “Sometimes we are left chasing our blessings because our words are blowing them away.” Our words (breath-wind) blow the seed away before it takes root. Could it be that God has blessings for us that we blow away with the breath of our words of negativity and doubt?

I usually read the passages dealing with the birth of Christ and the “Christmas story” during the season of Christmas. The stories of Mary and Joseph, Zechariah and Elizabeth and so on. However I began to read this story of Zechariah in Luke with a different perspective after hearing the words in my spirit: “Sometimes we are left chasing our blessings because our words are blowing them away.”

In this story the Angel of The Lord comes to Zechariah and tells him that he has came from the presence of God where God has seen he and Elizabeth’s faithfulness and has heard their prayer. And Zechariah doesn’t  say, “wonderful” or “awesome” or “great.” He doesnt even say, “Hallelujah” or “thank you, Jesus.”

Zechariah said, “How can I be sure of this?”

Don’t we all feel like Zechariah sometimes? We cannot always be sure of things. Not even those things we can touch, feel, or measure: emotions, circumstances, situations or feelings. Sometimes we just have to trust that because God said it, it will happen. (That’s the best way anyway, right?)

Zechariah asked the angel, “How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is well along in years.” The angel answered, “I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and to tell you this good news. And now you will be silent and not able to speak until the day this happens, because you did not believe my words, which will come true at their proper time.” (Luke 1:18-20 NIV)

We look at what we can see, touch and feel. Our assurance comes from what we know and not what we can’t see. In these passage it is interesting because the angel of  The Lord spoke to Mary as well and Mary said, “how can this be, I am a virgin?” And the Angel of the Lord said, “with men things are impossible, but with God all things are possible.” And Mary said, “Let it be so.” Zechariah said, “how can this be?” And Mary said, “how can this be?” It seems human nature is to doubt and to confess our doubt.

Here’s the question: If God can make a woman who’s womb is old bring forth life, and send an Angel to deliver the good news then why can’t He overcome some negative words, and a little unbelief? Because words are powerful and words matter. They are the confession of our faith and the thoughts of our heart. They bring things to pass and they bring matters into reality. Words are powerful and words matter.

Why Do Words Matter?

1. Words matter because they have the power of life and death in them. 

2. Words matter because what you say is heard. (by God, self, the devil & others).

3. Words matter because once you speak them they can’t be taken back.

4. Words matter because what you say someone will believe.

5.Words matter because they can cast doubt.

6. Words matter because they can cause discouragement.

7. Words matter because they can hinder or help someone else.

8. Words matter because what you say can cause things to not happen.

9. Words matter because what you say could, and usually does happen.

10. Words matter because what you say will have to be agreed or disagreed upon. *(God-others – self)

*God is looking for something to come into agreement with and it usually is our confession- the words of our mouth! (faith – belief – confidence – trust)

Don’t allow negative thoughts and words to blow your blessing away, ask God for the grace to be silent when needed; Ask Him for the wisdom to discern when to speak up, and when to be silent because words matter.

The Story of My Life

“That’s the story of my life”
1 Samuel 24

When I was growing up people would say that’s “the story of my life.” And most of the time what they meant was the same old thing keeps happening and that’s not necessarily a good thing. When we look at stories in the Bible or even remember the stories of our own lives there seems to be a common thread and that thread is this; when we trust the timing of God things turn out, at least most of the time, better then when we would take matters into our own hands. Trust in The Lord or Take Matters into Your Own Hands? That’s the question, and the decision you make will tell the story of your life.

When we look at the stories in the Bible we see this thread as well, particularly in the life of David. When David trusted God and did what honored Him things turned out way better then when he took matters into his own hands and did as he pleased. David was known for being a shepherd boy. He was also known for killing a giant and yeah the Bathsheba thing as well. And of course the stories of his life could have all been summarized into this one principle: “trust in the Lord with all your heart.” When he took matters into his own hands he experienced failure but when he trusted God he had success.

There was another legendary story concerning David as well. It revolved around him & the previous king, Saul. This incident, maybe more than any other, reflected the dilemma of trusting in the Lord or taking matters into his own hands. It is also somewhat of a humbling and humorous story as well.

Following his run-in with Goliath in the valley of Elah, David was immediately catapulted into the limelight. He became famous and influential in the course of a single day. He was a folk hero in every sense of the word. People wrote and sang songs celebrating David’s success. The hook went like this: “Saul slew his thousands, and David slew his ten thousands” (1 Sam. 29:5 KJV). In other words, “King Saul is all right, but David is amazing. We used to want to be like Saul. Now we want to be like David.”

Now, Saul, being the average king with a giant ego, didn’t warm up to this turn of events. He didn’t appreciate the fact that his popularity among the people was faltering. And complicating matters even more was the fact that David had already been anointed king by Samuel. Such a thing was unheard-of” “while the reigning king was still . . . reigning. As grateful as Saul was for David and his many military exploits, he wasn’t about to be upstaged by a shepherd boy.” Saul, like most kings, planned for his son, Jonathan, to follow him to the throne. And as long as David was around, if something happened to Saul, he knew the people would ignore his son and flock to the shepherd boy to crown him king. And to make it worse Jonathan and David had become friends! How could this be? David was the competition. So Saul had decided that the best thing to do was to get rid of David.

The story is found in 1 Samuel 24. After pursuing the Philistines in battle, Saul and his army returned home and were greeted with the news. David’s location had been found—he was hiding in a place called Engedi. It wasn’t your typical desert with blowing sand dunes. Rather, it’s a stretch of land adjacent to the coast of the Dead Sea, where the valley is lush and green, while the mountains are rocky and treacherous. This would be a place that would be familiar for a shepherd boy like David who was being hunted down by a warrior and King like Saul.

Saul was so focused on killing David that he couldn’t afford to wait another minute. He had to have David’s head. Following orders, his men saddled up their horses while Saul hopped on his. At this point, the plot thickens. David is hiding for his life in a cave and Saul comes to the front of the cave to relieve himself. He had to go to the boys room. He needed to do his business. He was taking a much needed “potty break”. Saul was in the most vulnerable position and David’s men were encouraging him to kill Saul, after all is was a matter of kill or be killed. But David didn’t do it and what he did do he felt bad for. He cut the corner of his robe. He could have killed him. It was the perfect opportunity. He had a choice. Take matters into his own hands or trust God. He trusted God.

David not killing Saul was wise and honorable. And we see in verse 6 that David listened to God and in verse 8 we see that Saul had been listening to people. David was saying I am going to leave it in God’s hands and not take matters in my own hands. He decided that day he would not be the judge and jury regarding Saul. David’s decision became the story of his life. It was part of his legacy. What’s the story of your life going to be?

When you take matters into your own hands:

– You miss the purpose.

– You miss the timing of God.

– You will operate in frustration and not freedom.

-You prove to others that what you did what was obvious & easy instead of what took wisdom & constraint. (you prove what you could have done -instead of what you should of done).

– You operate in the flesh and not the spirit.

You operate in the ways of man and not the wisdom of God.

– You create a story that will be remembered.

You have a choice you can take matters into your own hands or you can trust the timing of God. If the story of your life is always a mess or not the story you want, maybe you need to take your hands off and trust the timing of God. God can turn the page of your story and began to write a new story if you will trust him.

CSLewis said, “There is but one good; that is God. Everything else is good when it looks to Him & bad when it turns from Him.

David using his sword was remembered a couple of times. One took courage (the giant) and the other took wisdom (Saul) but both honored God. David had courage to kill the giant but he had wisdom to only cut the corner of Saul’s robe but both honored God. Whenever there is a problem there is a purpose and you have a choice. You can take matters into your own hands or you can trust God and the decision you make will determine “the story of your life.”